Your Job Isn't Stressing You Out. You Are.
I say this often in my close circles and sometimes in session.
Growing up, when I would whine about being bored or pout because my mom didn’t bring home the ice cream she promised, she would look at me with tired eyes, roll them, and say, “I’m not going to let you stress me out.”
That’s one of my earliest memories of learning something most people don’t realize until adulthood: you have more control over your stress than you think.
Today, many of my clients tell me how “stressful” their jobs are. But when I ask if they’re facing direct external pressure—aggressive deadlines, hostile management, unrealistic demands—what I often hear is this:
“No one told me to do it—I just didn’t want to say no.” “It wasn’t required, but I didn’t want to seem lazy.” “I didn’t speak up because I didn’t want to be a burden.”
And just like that, stress becomes self-inflicted.
The Hidden Beliefs Fueling Workplace Stress
Most of the time, it’s not the job itself. It’s the beliefs behind how we interpret the job. Here are a few common irrational beliefs I hear from clients:
“I must be seen as competent at all times.”
“If I say no, I’ll be seen as difficult or ungrateful.”
“I can’t stand the idea of disappointing anyone.”
“They should notice how hard I’m working and give me credit.”
These beliefs often go unchecked, and when left unchallenged, they lead to overcommitment, burnout, and resentment; not because of what the job requires, but because of what the client is demanding of themselves or others.
The REBT Reframe: You’re Not Powerless
The job isn’t stressing you out. Your thoughts about the job, your beliefs about worth and approval, and your avoidance of discomfort are.
This is where Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy comes in. In session, we don’t just vent about workplace stress—we examine the activating events (A), beliefs (B), and consequences (C). We challenge those irrational beliefs and replace them with rational alternatives that allow clients to feel concern or disappointment—not anxiety or rage.
What Clients Learn to Say Instead:
“I’d prefer to be seen as helpful, but it’s acceptable to set boundaries.”
“I can handle feeling awkward if I speak up. It won’t kill me.”
“They don’t have to notice me for me to feel valuable.”
“This task is annoying, but it doesn’t mean the whole job is toxic.”
This isn’t about staying silent.
Let’s be clear: if your workplace has unfair expectations, unclear boundaries, or toxic dynamics, it’s absolutely appropriate to advocate for change. Emotional discipline doesn’t mean you quietly endure injustice. It means you respond to it with clarity and self-control. Instead of exploding or shutting down, you can speak up with grounded confidence. In fact, when you approach those conversations with rational thinking and emotional regulation, you’re far more likely to be taken seriously and stay anchored in your values. You don’t have to choose between advocating for yourself or staying emotionally steady. You can do both.
You’re the Most Powerful Variable in the Room
Your job might be difficult. But it’s not dictating your emotions—you are. And that’s not blame. That’s liberation. Because if you’re the one generating stress through your beliefs, you’re also the one who can learn to change them.
